Download Tinder APK and you’re becoming a living, breathing work of pop culture – a full on parody of the millennial lifestyle that, like a snake eating its own tail, is doomed to go on repeating the same cycles of destruction and salvation through an unending spiral of app-related madness. Tinder, where romance goes to die or simply the next step in the digitalisation of our lives?
Wherever you stand on the issue of Tinder – you’re most likely already very aware of its existence, functions and purpose, given that it’s, over the course of a few years, become the most popular dating app worldwide. Ask any newfound couple how they met and a large percentage will tell you, most likely with a wry smile, Tinder. Tinder has become synonymous with dating, hooking up and all the dizzying highs or bottom-breaking lows of modern romance.
Whether you’re only here to bump uglies or if you’re genuinely in need of some sexual healing administered over a long period of convalescence (otherwise known as a relationship) Tinder is you’re go to option.
What is Tinder, I’ve recently woken up from a coma
Right, so let’s picture the scenario. You wake up one morning and establish that your relationship is dead – not suffering from complications of the heart, but dead. Dinosaur dead. Deceased, defunct, demised, devoid of life, done. Your partner and you decide on mutual grounds that the romance that once coursed through your veins as you held hands is now as stale as last year’s bread and there’s nothing but the clammy hand of a cadaver when you touch.
Pretty tragic, yet entirely human. So what the hell do you do now?
In years gone by, you might have just waddled down to the nearest bar, drank yourself into an alcohol-poisoning induced coma and try to hit on the paramedics as they load you into the ambulance, but the times have changed and our livers are all the more thankful for it.
Enter Tinder, the all-one-in cupid app available to download free for Android right here, right now. That’s right, in just a matter of seconds, you could be surfing through a tidal wave of digital affection as attractive wads of human meat throw themselves at your feet. Tinder is the leading dating app on the market, nobody knows why exactly, but it’s become more iconic than a love-child between Michael Jackson and the Statue of Liberty.
Tinder lets you swipe through people as though they were a deck of cards, but what’s more – Tinder lets you do this for free! Tinder, the cheapest way to learn to love or hate yourself, depending entirely on how the app treats you. Tinder can be a tricksy beast to master and there’s a whole lot of potential for disaster, as there is with any dating scenario, you never know when someone’s going to accidentally get set on fire by an errant flaming sambucca.
How to use Tinder: tips & tricks to avoid being set on fire
Ok – so you’ve made the bold decision to download Tinder APK free right here and now you’re wondering how to go about decorating your carcass in such a fashion that will make members of the opposite sex (or the same sex, this is 2018 after all) find you attractive. Tinder is as much about visuals as it is about finding romance or a willing orgasm donor, so setting up your profile is definitely important.
After all, those few images that you can upload to Tinder are all the wider public will have access to, so obviously don’t upload the one of you passed out on a toilet with great big skidmarks running up the wall. There are a lot of different strategies when it comes to choosing your pictures, but here’s a handy guide to help you determine which visions of yourself you’d like to use as bait to lure in the humans of your dreams.
Pictures on Tinder – Don’t
- Post pictures of yourself to Tinder where you’re in a large group, people will be confused as to which one you are, but especially don’t do this if you’re surrounded by significantly more attractive people or people who espouse hatred, bigotry or racism. Tinder doesn’t need your Klan rally group photo, thinking about it, neither does the world.
- Rely on animals. Lots of people take to Tinder with that picture of them on their gap year with a drugged out tiger in Thailand and are then shocked to find that wearing a Chang Beer vest to a tourist trap where animals live out brutal lives for the amusement of hungover backpackers doesn’t make them much a worthwhile individual. If you have a pet, maybe add one photo of them and you, but you don’t want to make it look like you’re already married to your python.
- Upload just one photo – it sends out some Ted Bundy meets Russian troll vibes.
- Use cartoon avatars or anime characters or please, dear Jesus, no more Rick and Morty memes as your profile picture, it doesn’t make you unique or add mystique, you just come across like a loser.
- Take a selfie from below – Mr Potato Head has never been and never will be a sex symbol.
- Include anything like firearms, burning crosses, serial killer style poses with machetes or anything else that might make your date think you’d try to butcher them after dessert.
Pictures on Tinder – Do
- Try and look your best – wear your favourite clothes, wear as few clothes as you feel comfortable with if you’re just looking to get some carnal delights rather than a long-term lover.
- Post honest photos – obviously capture your best side, but don’t edit them to the point where you look like a totally different human.
- Try to show your personality – it’s good to let people know what they’re in for, so if you’re a raging alcoholic, try to find a picture of you in a bar setting where you’re not drooling or vomiting into a trash bin.
Navigating the pitfalls of Tinder
There are those who walk among us that preach nought but doom and gloom regarding Tinder. They say that if you download Tinder, you’re doing so to validate yourself on an incredibly shallow level and that Tinder APK is the death blow for romance. Tinder – the mace that crushed the skull of romance and burst the brains out all over our shoes.
That’s just one side to it though and Tinder is nothing if not versatile. Realistically, it comes down to what you’re looking for from Tinder and how you plan on using the legendary free dating app. Tinder APK could become that app that you despise, delete, download again, only to face more disappointment and despair. Or it could be the last dating app that you need should you find the only other human on the planet that you’re happy to whittle away the time with until the sun explodes and rids us all of the pain of being human.
There’s also the real possibility that Tinder is going to be that all-consuming app that helps you to devalue people down from fully realised entities and assign them a value judgement of your own as you swipe endlessly through the hordes of single multitudes, hoping to fornicate with as many of them as possible. Tinder functions equally well as a dating app, a hook-up app and a means of making yourself feel better, but again – it’s down to you. Tinder is basically what you make of it.
Download Tinder APK free here and have a look – maybe Mr or Ms Right is lurking just another swipe away. Or maybe you’re destined to die alone, but Tinder might help you acquire some of that sweet, sweet physical gratification before you do! Download Tinder APK free here and change your life, for better or worse, download Tinder free.
